With these NFL subplots, who needs Sundays?
Not a follower of the NFL? You are missing the top entertainment in town.
The critics agree. The NFL is the best show of the year. You couldn't make this stuff up.
Intrigue! Skullduggery! Sex!
And that's just the Carolina Panther cheerleaders.
(Before we go any further, everyone have their cellphones off? One started ringing at the press conference of Green Bay coach Mike Sherman the other day, and he was so annoyed, he left the room. The Packers later demanded the guilty party confess, or there would be no Brett Favre availability later that afternoon. No one did. So Favre was turned to the off position. The culprit is still at-large. Now back to our program).
Surely, you didn't miss the highlight of the pro football weekend.
Colts vs. Patriots? Of course, not.
Big games are played every week, but how often do you see two cheerleaders hauled out of a pub after allegedly getting into it with some patrons? All — according to witnesses — because they were having a tryst in a bathroom stall, and some of the customers got tired of waiting?
Not even the Minnesota Vikings have tried that. Not yet, anyway.
Clearly, it's another example of how public businesses don't provide enough bathroom facilities for women.
When last I heard, the latest development from Stallgate was a fugitive arrest warrant out for one of the Carolina belles, charging her with handing police the driver's license of a third cheerleader who wasn't within a hundred miles of the place.
Go ahead. Watch Survivor.
They're off the team, by the way. Renee and Angela. Just Like T.O.
Ah yes. Terrell Owens. Erstwhile Philadelphia Eagle and everyday knucklehead.
We should have known what kind of NFL season this would be when Owens was kicked out of a training camp, and next seen holding a press conference while doing sit-ups in his driveway. And then came back to play, but wasn't speaking to the quarterback.
Just last week, the receiver reportedly tussled with a former Eagles player, whose job title with the team is "Ambassador."
If only HBO were this good.
Now Owens is gone and not coming back, a messy divorce reconfirmed Tuesday by the Eagles who no longer cared how many microphones he and his agent could find to posture in front of.
They have had a busy season in Philadelphia — massaging, compromising, spinning, explaining, going back, moving forward.
And once in awhile, they even play football.
So do the Vikings, when they're not on the high seas in the most infamous pleasure cruise since Gilligan's. The aftermath of the alleged debauchery on their love boats included a television station going through the players' trash for evidence, and the emergence of a new name in
Vikings history.
Move over Fran Tarkenton and Randy Moss. Here's Ayana Angel, porn star.
Meanwhile, the president of the Kansas City Chiefs finally has all the glass out of his hair, having broken a window in his private suite when he bashed it in joy after a winning touchdown last week.
The Giants have had to explain why five Muslim fans were taken into questioning at a game when they started praying. Even though lots of people watching Giants games over the years have felt the need for prayer.
The Bengals are assessing their security forces, because a man was able to jump from the stands, race onto the field, and snatch the ball out of Brett Favre's hands. Only linebackers are supposed to be allowed to do that.
The Saints owner is boycotting his own games, saying he fears for his life from angry Louisiana tailgaters.
It's a cast of thousands. And to think, the season is only half-over.
Mike Lopresti writes for Gannett News Service
The critics agree. The NFL is the best show of the year. You couldn't make this stuff up.
Intrigue! Skullduggery! Sex!
And that's just the Carolina Panther cheerleaders.
(Before we go any further, everyone have their cellphones off? One started ringing at the press conference of Green Bay coach Mike Sherman the other day, and he was so annoyed, he left the room. The Packers later demanded the guilty party confess, or there would be no Brett Favre availability later that afternoon. No one did. So Favre was turned to the off position. The culprit is still at-large. Now back to our program).
Surely, you didn't miss the highlight of the pro football weekend.
Colts vs. Patriots? Of course, not.
Big games are played every week, but how often do you see two cheerleaders hauled out of a pub after allegedly getting into it with some patrons? All — according to witnesses — because they were having a tryst in a bathroom stall, and some of the customers got tired of waiting?
Not even the Minnesota Vikings have tried that. Not yet, anyway.
Clearly, it's another example of how public businesses don't provide enough bathroom facilities for women.
When last I heard, the latest development from Stallgate was a fugitive arrest warrant out for one of the Carolina belles, charging her with handing police the driver's license of a third cheerleader who wasn't within a hundred miles of the place.
Go ahead. Watch Survivor.
They're off the team, by the way. Renee and Angela. Just Like T.O.
Ah yes. Terrell Owens. Erstwhile Philadelphia Eagle and everyday knucklehead.
We should have known what kind of NFL season this would be when Owens was kicked out of a training camp, and next seen holding a press conference while doing sit-ups in his driveway. And then came back to play, but wasn't speaking to the quarterback.
Just last week, the receiver reportedly tussled with a former Eagles player, whose job title with the team is "Ambassador."
If only HBO were this good.
Now Owens is gone and not coming back, a messy divorce reconfirmed Tuesday by the Eagles who no longer cared how many microphones he and his agent could find to posture in front of.
They have had a busy season in Philadelphia — massaging, compromising, spinning, explaining, going back, moving forward.
And once in awhile, they even play football.
So do the Vikings, when they're not on the high seas in the most infamous pleasure cruise since Gilligan's. The aftermath of the alleged debauchery on their love boats included a television station going through the players' trash for evidence, and the emergence of a new name in
Vikings history.
Move over Fran Tarkenton and Randy Moss. Here's Ayana Angel, porn star.
Meanwhile, the president of the Kansas City Chiefs finally has all the glass out of his hair, having broken a window in his private suite when he bashed it in joy after a winning touchdown last week.
The Giants have had to explain why five Muslim fans were taken into questioning at a game when they started praying. Even though lots of people watching Giants games over the years have felt the need for prayer.
The Bengals are assessing their security forces, because a man was able to jump from the stands, race onto the field, and snatch the ball out of Brett Favre's hands. Only linebackers are supposed to be allowed to do that.
The Saints owner is boycotting his own games, saying he fears for his life from angry Louisiana tailgaters.
It's a cast of thousands. And to think, the season is only half-over.
Mike Lopresti writes for Gannett News Service
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